Its shit when you cause incredible pain to a friend of yours. Its stressful and upsetting. You wonder why and try to expliain something that has no conscience and sensible explanation. You can feel the constant throbbing of stress in your veins, your face is constantly on edge of shedding tears, you can't think of anything else.

It makes you think, twenty four seven. You can't concentrate on anything whilst awake, you can't dream anything but a better outcome to the recent events. It makes you think about life in general. It makes you see some sort of sense, it instills a sense of fear that you are taking for granted some things in life that should be appreciated.

Friendship is one of those things. Friendships are stable and fragile at the same time. You can be confortable with one, but its so easy to fuck up. I wish I hadn't had required something so big to bring all this to the front of my mind, and I wish I could turn the clock back and be more respectful.

I'm so sorry for the shit I've caused, and if I have no way of repairing the hurt I've caused, I still hope I'll never forget what a fool I've been.

And for Chists sake... when ever you're in one of these moods, don't drink as much as I have and babble. I wish there was an alternative to the word sorry that actually showed you meant it.