In this post, I'll be opening up a little more than I usually do on my blog. I'm exhausted and want to vent. I shall be mostly honest about the things that are troubling me. But if you're not overly interested in my life or you don't like random ramblings, then I suggest you don't waste your time with this one... It's more a record of my emotions for me to read in the future. Call this one a diary entry;

Those who know me will really well and over a long period of time will know that I go through a lengthy cycle of ups and downs in life. For a few weeks I'll be having the time of my life, enjoying every moment and adding to my back of ever lasting memories. But then there are the weeks between where I feel crap, where nothing seems to go my way and very little amuses, entertains or cheers me up.

Tonight I realised that I'm going into one of my down periods. Perhaps it's just a case of male PMT, which I am a firm believer of, but things are certainly getting to me at the moment....

The issue with my 2nd year Uni results, where I feel there is no correlation between the work I've put into a subject and the mark I've received for it. I'm especially upset about Comms and Nets. But I shant go on about this, for I have talked about it previously.

There is the issue with Tamsin. The whole long distance thing just isn't for me. I find it so hard to "love" someone who I only see once in a blue moon. I hope she realises, as I said in my previous post, that I do like her lots and I do want to be a friend. But none-the-less, that's upsetting me at the moment.

Then there's also the issue with Laura, with whom I'm very close. Before she went away about 5 months ago, something between us was possible. But on her return, we had a chat and I was told, probably rightly, that nothing was possible between us. And that got to me, too. She's one of my best friends and I love her to bits for that. But it was wierd to have the whole conversation about the possibility of being something more.

I'm just feeling so drained at the moment. I've spent a week and a bit with my parents recently up in Southwold. It's been so lovely. But I've not had a proper chance to wind down and relax there. I've been taking a wall down, destroying three trees, doing a car boot, etc. Just as I was about to reach that nice chilled state, it's back to Hitchin and working for three days.

I'm under pressure at work to deliver at the moment. I'm working on revamping a huge part of the project I work on, and my boss want's it as soon as possible.

I think one of the major things that is pulling me down at the moment is the struggle to balance everything. I've got to make sure I spend enough time with friends in Southampton, Hitchin, Birmingham and other places. I've got to make sure I spend enough time with my parents. I've got to make sure I do enough work to keep up to date with my deadlines. And I've got to balance getting between all these places financially. Train travel is far from cheap in the UK, and it's a constant drain on my cash.

I realise and sympathise with others that their situations may be a million times worse than that, but the low points on the emotional rollercoaster of life are only relative to your own experiences, they don't often take other peoples down's into account.

I just don't know what to think at the moment, in many walks of life. But still... I need a big long hug, I think.