I had a bit of a crap night a couple of nights ago. What with this ongoing illness, missing out on party invitations and girls forgetting what they'd said to you and promtly going off with new dates I sort of got drunk and gave up. I realised that I'm starting to feel quite down with no light at the end of the tunnel. It was especially depressing to get the blood test results back all negative (again!) as I'd started getting my hopes up that the consultant's ideas of one or two more tests would shed some light on this whole thing.

I received the bill through for the consultation and it was £150. I can't work out whether I think that's expensive or not. These doctors are highly qualified and I respect their incredible knowledge and am happy to pay sums like that for their services. But then I also feel as if I'm no further towards a diagnosis. But then that might just be that it's looking more and more like ME/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and I really don't want to admit defeat to the diagnosis process as that'll mean I'm accepting feeling like this for anywhere from months to years.

I feel like shouting and screaming and complaining about it (how emo does that sound! :-)) but I know it won't help. And what's more annoying is that lots of friends have offered to do things for me if they can help, but there's little that does help. I'm fed up!

Escaping to the warm shores of Spain for a cheap week's holiday relaxing in the sun sounds like an incredibly good idea at the moment.